Fun With Horoscopes
by Do-Op
Summary: Albus get's a new Daily Prophet and findas an astrology section. PG for Proffessor Trelawney's horoscope.


*This is in response to one of Honeria Glossop's challenges. Someone please tell her for me, because I have no idea what her e-mail addy is....  
  
  
Fun With Horoscopes  
  
  
"Ah, thank you Twizzler. There's your pay." Dumbledore grinned, giving the owl five bronze coins, and taking the paper. Looking around the table, he he saw that only two members odf the staff were not present. Minerva was helping herself to some cheese and mushroom omlette, Nadia Vector was beside her, deep in conversation with Brandi Sprout. Elisabeth Lawrence, the new Defense teacher, was looking at her mail with slight interest. Albus noted that Severus was absent. That was a rare sight, for Severus was even stricter about being where you needed to be exactly when you were supposed to this year.  
Opening his paper, he read about how the Ministry of Magic was going to prosecute Rita Skeeter for being an unregistered Animagi, and wondered idly if they would hold her opinionated news articles against her. Naturally, he would be asked to attend, as he attended most of the trials, just to give Fudge some council.   
Turning the page, he noticed something very unusual. The Daily Prophet had begun a Horoscope column! Drawing his finger down the page, he located Cancer. The paper read, ' Today will be a good day to take up knitting, as it will be, for the most part, uneventful.' Well that would be nice for a change. He noticed Rubeus working with some rainbow colored thread, and seriously considered taking the suggestion.  
He then looked up at Aries, and called to Minerva.  
"Yes, Albus?"  
"You are a Aries, arent you?" Minerva nodded, and Albus proceeded to read her horoscope out to her.  
"Well... that's very interesting." she commented, blushing a bit from the part about 'your special person will finnaly pay attention'.  
"Oh, do you have mine, Proffessor?" Albus looked up into the eager eyes of Elisabeth.  
"Albus, my dear. You are no longer a student of mine, please call me Albus." Elisabeth diverted her eyes, and Albus could see a light blush spread over her cheeks. But then again, it was only four years ago that Elisabeth had graduated, and to be made equal to all of her former athourity figures so soon... It was to be expected.  
"Alright..... Albus. I'm a Gemini."  
"Let's see..." Albus looked over the column, and read " You will have a generally good day today, untill you get to your mail. you will then get two identical bills." Albus smiled.  
"Oh, I get it! Gemini's twins...identical bills...." Elisabeth began to laugh as she sorted through her mail, and picked up an envelope. she opened it and out fell a postcard with a picture of two duck bills on it. "This Astrologer is good!" she exclaimed over her giggles.  
Over the course of breakfast, Albus made his way around the staff table, telling people their horoscopes. Nadia laughed at the Gemini pun, and showed albus her mail. She actually had gotten two bills (subsciptions to Witch Wekley And Tommorrow's Times) that day. When he got to Sybill, he politely asked if she would like to hear hers. When she said yes, Minerva made a comment only loud enough for the staff to hear (" But, being possessed with the Inner Eye, you must already know what it is Sybill.") and, thankfully, Sybill ignored it. Albus nearly choked when he read her horoscope to himself, and finally read it aloud.   
"Over the next week you will ride a roller coaster, see red, and be...ahem...obsessed with periods." He turned slightly red as he said this, but that was nothing compared to Professor Trelawney's face. The staff table however, had a huge laugh over it. In fact, the giggles were just subsiding when Severus came storming in. Wearing an extra nasty sneer, Severus sat down across from Dumbledore. Most of the staff gave him a wide berth, but Albus paid no attention.  
"Sleep well?"  
"No. As a matter of fact, I didn't." He shot Dumbldore a look that said ' you'll know why if you read the paper'. Albus understood immediately, but was not about to let Severus off.  
"Would you like to hear your horoscope, Severus?" He asked in an offhand tone.  
"Fine." Severus snapped. "Just be quick, Albus, I'm running late." If Albus was affected by Severus's tone, he didn't show it, and instead, looked up Scorpio.  
"Well..." said Dumbledore, opening the newspaper, "Let me see. Ah, Severus. Your horoscope for the day. 'Today you will sleep until breakfast, whereupon you will eat, breathe, and be an all-around evil person and burden for the rest of the day.' Hmm...sounds like the Astrologer has a grudge against Scorpios..."   
  
*LOL! Do you like it? It's like, my second attempt at humor-fic, so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review if you liked. But please DON'T review out of pity. I hate it when people do that. 


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